How good are you at your anger management?
Where would you be on this scale…?
The Anger Ladder ~ by Dr. Ross Campbell
1) Pleasant behavior;
2) Seeking resolution to the conflict;
3) Focusing anger on the source only;
4) Holding to the primary complaint, not to peripheral issues;
5) Thinking logically and constructively;
6) Unpleasant and loud behavior;
8) Becoming angry at someone else who is a bystander instead of at the source of the anger;
9) Expressing unrelated complaints;
10) Throwing objects;
11) Destroying property;
12) Verbal abuse;
13) Emotionally destructive behavior;
14) Physical abuse; and
15) Passive-aggressive behavior.
We should all strive to achieve the first 2 rungs of the Anger Ladder.
Which is ‘1’ ~ Pleasant behavior; & ‘2’ ~ Seeking resolution to the conflict; Dr Campbell suggests that we find out where we are on the Anger Ladder and move up one rung at a time.
The worst way for anyone to handle anger is through passive-aggressive (or PA) behavior. In PA behavior, a person uses indirect means to get back in anger at another person — for example, procrastinating, stubbornness, intentional inefficiency and “forgetfulness.” The person acts in these ways to provoke anger. A PA person refuses to accept responsibility for his or her own behavior.
Note that PA is at number ’15’ which is worse than ’13’ ~ Emotionally destructive behavior; & ’14’ ~ Physical abuse; because it is not easily noticed.
Note: Dr Campbell did mention a “16” which represents Homicidal attempts, homicidal threats and homicide which is worst but it’s not covered in the scope of his book ‘How to Really Love Your Teenager’ (Amazon afflink).
After 2 unsuccessful attempts at mediation with someone who has hurt me in the past and looking at the scale above, I can see why trying yet another time is unwise. A person seeking true reconciliation should demonstrate the first two rungs on the ladder, and not 7, 9, 12, 13 and 15. I have forgiven and moved on, but see that for reconciliation to occur, honour and respect and sincere apology must happen. Forgiveness and trust restored/reconciliation are two different things. Sigh. I pray that they can also find the inner healing in order to restore their own broken relationships within their biological family.
How are you doing at expressing your anger? For deep inner healing, I recommend the following process…