When They Don’t Change?

What do you do when a person in your life doesn’t change…? What if it’s your leadership, your employee, a friend, a client, a date, etc…?

Here’s a great refresh from a message I heard long ago and again from a book I read a year ago. Thankfully, there are things you can do before it comes down to walking away or swimming away from a sinking ship. Some boats are repairable still longing for the wind to fill their sails.

Brief overview with video link below…

3 Types of People (Dr Henry Cloud):

There are three types of people you encounter in your life, and when you deal with them, you can’t always take the same approach. Research reveals 3 basic categories and we all can behave in these at times in our growth. They are wise, foolish and evil.

Here they are:

  1. Wise people: Resource them. Give them more input, knowledge, training, teaching, and whatever you have, because they tend to use it. They’re good people to invest in. You don’t have to do much with these folks except have a good tone, be specific and listen well, and you’ll get great results. They are people of good character. 
  1. Foolish (defensive) people: Remember, more feedback usually does not help. So, why continue to do what doesn’t help? You’re wasting your breath trying to continually talk about a problem that the person is not owning. This is when you have to focus on consequences. If they do A, then it will result in B happening. Sometimes using consequences will get a turnaround, and other times they will go away, as they do not like to be held accountable. 
  1. Evil (destructive) people: With them, not only is there no talking, there is also usually no hope. Get serious about protecting yourself and others from their agenda, and take appropriate action. While group #1 needs input, and group #2 needs consequences, with the third group, you have to go into protective mode. They are out to harm, so make sure your strongest boundaries are intact. 

To learn more tools, I urge you to read Henry’s book, Necessary Endings

Enjoy this clip too!

Life After ‘Church’?

Since stepping away from traditional church and pastoral ministry, my journey has taken me on a sweet adventure. God has led my family away, not to find membership at another institutional church, though we had visited many and were invited by many, but rather to take note of what God is up to.

He is doing a new thing…!

(Resource below…)

God is amazing. We are enjoying a rich time. My family and I are involved in a growing disciple-making movement it appears. I’ve got 4 discipleship groups right now I’m leading or co-leading. We are also enjoying street ministry (simply offering to pray for people) and feeding the homeless. We have seen people come to Christ and getting physically healed of various illnesses. My favourite was an older man healed of serious back pain in Jesus’ name. The look on his face! Or the conversation I had about Jesus’ view of women (using the story of the Samaritan woman at the well) after I was asked about being a female pastor. 😀

(Just had a thought… Being a woman sharing hope on the street is somehow a more acceptable thing in some circles than being a woman sharing hope on a stage behind a pulpit. Strange…? Yet, I’m having more fun on the street these days!)

For us, it has been life on life led by Holy Spirit. No pressure, no rush… I just wake up in the morning, ask God what He has planned, linger with Him in the Word and in prayer, and then go. (I work on the side as a Life Coach and Spiritual Director and have recently been invited to partner with another ministry.)

There are eleven people I only met this year just walking my dog, or going to a coffee shop, or brought to meet me with a friend. God is on the move, on the street, and in our homes. The running joke at home is that I take forever to get a few groceries. I keep having some incredible conversations with people. 😀

Below is another resource that helped me digest, reflect, and embrace this new chapter for ourselves of intentionally being the living church (which takes less energy then we were used to in the past. Although, when I look at the list above of what we are doing, it’s much bigger somehow! That’s totally God. Not us!)

We love the Church! And God uses institutional churches. But, if you’re struggling with confusion within an institutional church, church politics, meetings and meetings and a lack of fruit, and you’ve wandered from institutional church to institutional church, but you love Jesus perhaps more than ever, this help may be like a breath of fresh air…!

LAC-ads

Life After Church (Audio Download)
We are in one of the most dramatic reorganizations of the structure of THE Church ever in human history. That is because the King is on the move and there is a dramatic next chapter coming. This album is one perspective from researcher Arthur Burk on where the King is going and how we can live this transition season for fullest effect. You ARE in a transition. The question is whether you will transition well and be part of the new move of God, or will be caught short…?  ***Sneak peek:

5 basic reasons people leave the church:

  1. Abusive authority.
  2. Community is found outside church. Church then became just a ritual.
  3. Leadership was hired on credentials rather than anointing and gifting.
  4. Money going to consumer comforts and an old building rather than outreach. 
  5. No clue why you left?? You just did and don’t know why.

God is raising up a new army. We are seeing the merging of the Fathering Movement and Church in the Marketplace coming together, merging into one stream. As we head into multiple ticking time bombs, God is getting ready for it.

In the light of church history, we are getting ready for something really big.

THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A MOBILIZATION OF THIS MAGNITUDE IN THE BODY OF CHRIST EVER IN CHURCH HISTORY.

The Life ‘After Church’ signs are:

·         Decentralization- there is no human leader.

·         Design based, as each one of us dominates a small niche in our area of expertise.

·         People have learned to hear God directly for themselves (not relying on a pastor).

·         You don’t need structures, you can move NIMBLY, as Holy Spirit leads.

We are privileged to be in this season, to be a part of something so big it will rewrite human and church history. Each of us have been designed for this season, for such a time as this…  Learn more…

Jesus Longs for His Church to Come Alive

I loved reading a book over the weekend written by a pastor who was told he needed to leave his institutional church in order to protect his health. Today, he leads a movement that has reached multiple countries.

Below is a quote from his wife excerpted from his book:

set free butterfly

“The Revolution is happening – it’s happening all over the world.

We are in a Reformation.
Acknowledge it or not.
Be a part of it or not.

Jesus longs for his church to come alive, to become a living, breathing organism. He longs for us to be in a real, live, intimate relationship with Him, regardless of others – and then in real, live relationship with our families – earthly and spiritual.

And, He’s begging us to come alive, be who we are as individuals, alive and free in Him, telling the world who and what He has done for us…

The enemy accepts that Christianity is in the world… but if he can just contain us, keep us from contaminating others, there’s little to worry about. If he can contain us in buildings, then the world will not know the truth and few will be set free. But what I saw in Kenya, I also see in America and other parts of the world.

The virus is leaking.

The Reformation of the 21st Century, led by the Holy Spirit, is taking Christianity out of containers into the open spaces of the neighborhoods and nations of the world.”

(Brooks & Roger Thoman. Simple/House Church Revolution (Kindle Locations 137-141). Download and read for free at: https://www.simplechurchrevolution.com)

He writes on his website: 

“In time, we began to see that this ‘paradigm shift’ (from institutional church to disciple making movement) was preparing us to train leaders in the multiplication of disciples, simple churches, and leaders.  …we saw tremendous fruit as disciples could quickly reproduce disciples and churches…

God used a dark season of our life to birth new purposes that were far above and beyond anything we might have dreamed on our own!”

(Learn more at: https://appleseedministry.com/about )

What Does Your Anger Look Like?

angry
How good are you at your anger management?
Where would you be on this scale…?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Anger Ladder ~ by Dr. Ross Campbell

1) Pleasant behavior;
2) Seeking resolution to the conflict;
3) Focusing anger on the source only;
4) Holding to the primary complaint, not to peripheral issues;
5) Thinking logically and constructively;
6) Unpleasant and loud behavior;
7) Cursing;
8) Becoming angry at someone else who is a bystander instead of at the source of the anger;
9) Expressing unrelated complaints;
10) Throwing objects;
11) Destroying property;
12) Verbal abuse;
13) Emotionally destructive behavior;
14) Physical abuse; and
15) Passive-aggressive behavior.

We should all strive to achieve the first 2 rungs of the Anger Ladder.
Which is ‘1’ ~ Pleasant behavior; & ‘2’ ~ Seeking resolution to the conflict; Dr Campbell suggests that we find out where we are on the Anger Ladder and move up one rung at a time.

The worst way for anyone to handle anger is through passive-aggressive (or PA) behavior. In PA behavior, a person uses indirect means to get back in anger at another person — for example, procrastinating, stubbornness, intentional inefficiency and “forgetfulness.” The person acts in these ways to provoke anger. A PA person refuses to accept responsibility for his or her own behavior.

Note that PA is at number ’15’ which is worse than ’13’ ~ Emotionally destructive behavior; & ’14’ ~ Physical abuse; because it is not easily noticed.

Note: Dr Campbell did mention a “16” which represents Homicidal attempts, homicidal threats and homicide which is worst but it’s not covered in the scope of his book  ‘How to Really Love Your Teenager’ (Amazon afflink).

After 2 unsuccessful attempts at mediation with someone who has hurt me in the past and looking at the scale above, I can see why trying yet another time is unwise. A person seeking true reconciliation should demonstrate the first two rungs on the ladder, and not 7, 9, 12, 13 and 15. I have forgiven and moved on, but see that for reconciliation to occur, honour and respect and sincere apology must happen. Forgiveness and trust restored/reconciliation are two different things. Sigh. I pray that they can also find the inner healing in order to restore their own broken relationships within their biological family.

How are you doing at expressing your anger? For deep inner healing, I recommend the following process… 

 

 

 

 

 

Simple Ways to Bless Others

uydoe_ayjqs-jenn-richardson-2
UnhurriedLiving.com 

Those who know me, know that I’m intentional. 🙂 But, did you know that as you go about your day, there are a ton of ways to bless others without planning ahead?!

Here are a few very creative and simple ways to do bless people through what you are already doing!

I loved this list from an on-line mentor of mine…

Jesus didn’t say, “Love everyone at once.” Only God has the capacity to do that. We can love our neighbor—the one who is near enough to us that we can serve their good.

These little “five minute” ideas are simple.
That’s the point.
You could easily add plenty of other creative ways to bless another.
We simply encourage you to do the good that God has put in your heart for the benefit of another.

These mini-ministries can be done as you live your real, day-to-day life, including emailing, grocery shopping, driving, doing laundry and washing dishes.

Blessings to you as you live, love and serve…

Go here for the list: 17 Simple Ways to Serve Others

Discipleship Things We’ve Forgotten

people-praying-together
“Success is not the pastor or the staff executing all the ministry; it’s them equipping the saints to do the work of ministry.”

“If you seek to build a church, you rarely produce disciples…If you seek to make disciples, you always get the church.”

“Pray about God giving you 3-5 men you can invest your life in for the next 12 months, and challenge them at the end of 12 months to replicate the process. And you watch what God does.”

“Jesus restricted 90 percent of his time to 12 men. And out of the 12, he restricted a large portion of his time to three: James, John, and Peter.”

Listen or read the interview notes here:

http://churchleaders.com/podcast/302734-robby-gallaty-jewish-jesus-discipleship-things-weve-forgotten.html

Mind Blown: Amazing Disciplemaking Story

A new missionary friend I met at a coffee shop birthday party the other day, sent me this disciplemaking story that made me weep with delight! She sent…

Hey, check this out!

A guy who was orphaned, drug addict, met Jesus, and grew in being discipled and started a discipleship making MOVEMENT. thousands of groups are all over the world… reaching to 8 generations of disciples!

Reminded me of our conversation the other day about, “What is church?”

(Listen to the full audio interview of Lee Wood and enjoy PDF outline…)
http://moredisciples.com/2016/12/24-wwdjd/

 

Listen to it yourself for the full impact of this incredible story…!
but here are some of my notes…
I’m going to listen to it over and over myself!

Poor deeply into the few!! (Don’t go for the numbers.)
We can suck at it.
But, God redeems and multiplies!!

Coach and train others!

You take care of the depth.
God takes care of the width!

Pray one hour or more before stepping out! (YES!!!)
The disciples asked Jesus…
“Teach us to pray!” They didn’t ask him to teach them to preach.

John 14:21

“Anyone who has my commands and obeys them, loves me. My Father will love the one who loves me. I too will love them. And I will show myself to them.”

He manifests in us.
If you want to see the magic, you just got to do the stuff…
Obey Him. Abide in Him!

It’s His pleasure to give us His kingdom.
We’re praying for His kingdom.
He’s our King.

There is joy in suffering and hardship together.
It’s not processing systems. It’s organic.
People are drawn to Him in us as we suffer together.

In the West, it’s a bad church model.
When we talk about this fast growing movement, people look at you like you’re crazy. Most of us in the West are products of a bad model.

What is the difference between a rockstar and a DJ?
A Rockstar wants the fame, the DJ wants everybody to dance.

He wants us to be faithful, and He takes care of the fruit.

Don’t measure yourselves among yourselves.
Don’t compare yourself to each other.

Abide in Him.
Do not seek to produce fruit.
He is the One who gives the increase.

We don’t see much fruit in the traditional Western church because we have short relational ties. We’re too busy. We have consumeristic and materialistic mindsets. If we die to ourselves daily, we will bear much fruit.

Go.
Tell.
Train trainers.

Do not become weary.
Keep doing what you’re doing.
You’ll get better at it.

We are the family of God…
He redeems!
He uses us.

God is faithful!

Lee’s mentor trained him how to multiply and Lee has trained others.

Here’s access to the training at:

Zumeproject.com

Spiritual Abuse?

Spiritual abuse is not a widely discussed topic. It occurs when a leader manipulates people to achieve selfish goals. Most abusers are unaware of the harm they inflict.

Internal factors contributing to an abusive environment are: Christians wanting to trust their leaders; not wanting to be disloyal; not wanting to be “a problem”; and accommodating abuse because they become invested. A likely external factor in the rise of spiritual abuse is our culture’s obsession with results and an insatiable “thirst for more.”

There are two types of spiritually abusive leaders: insecure leaders use power to protect themselves; narcissistic leaders seek to accomplish some great cause for validation and self-worth. Narcissistic leaders are fueled by narcissistic followers who also find value from belonging to a great cause.

Signs of an abusive system are: power-posturing; distorted loyalty; people are being used; unhealthy centrality of the pastor; an elitist attitude; inability to discuss concerns; and people being labeled as divisive for raising valid issues.

Those trapped in abusive systems can either flee or fight.

If this sounds like your journey, you are not crazy…

Read the full article… Spiritual Abuse: The Unspoken Crisis

Other resources:

Emotional Abuse: The Crushing of the Human Spirit

The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church

“Doing” Church in North America – YouTube – Graham Cooke – “We make victims of our heroes.”

Graham Cooke brilliantly describes how “doing” church today must start with leaders who can model freedom.

Graham goes onto say that church revolves around 3 types of people:

  • Initiators,
  • Enablers and
  • Resisters.

He skillfully describes if churches want to succeed, they must learn about each group and explains that if we have any hopes of accomplishing anything in church, we must understand each people group and learn how to lead them.

Graham warns that if we’re not careful, we will unconsciously make victims out the people we value most.

Visit: www.GrahamCooke.com for more.

What should women do?

womenbuildup“Just imagine what would happen to this church if all the women left.”

The looks on the men’s faces turned from indifference to shock and horror. They realized that the vast majority of the ‘hands on’ ministering was happening because of women. The women were faithful and valuable to building God’s kingdom!

Jesus has tons of things to say about women in his ministry. Just look at: Luke 8:1-3 to see their significance for Jesus’ ministry. And these were even women once considered castaways…

Jesus traveled around from one town and village to another. He announced the good news of God’s kingdom. His 12 disciples were with him. So were some women who had been healed of evil spirits and sicknesses. One was Mary Magdalene. Seven demons had come out of her. Another was Joanna, the wife of Chuza. He was the manager of Herod’s household. Susanna and many others were there also. These women were helping to support Jesus and the 12 disciples with their own money.

(Luke 8:1-3)

I love this quote from Dr Scot McKnight…

When we ask the question of women in ministry, the debate almost immediately gravitates to traditional “women in ministry” texts. But I’d like us to ask another question — one both more biblical and more answerable:

Do women DO in your church what Miriam, Deborah, Huldah, Priscilla, Junia, and Phoebe did?

Do they do what Mary did?

Do they do what Jesus encouraged women to do?

Here’s a deeper look at what these women did…
(and which the Bible honours.)

Miriam was a prophet who offered what has to be considered one of the most potent interpretations of what God did at the Exodus (Exodus 15:20-21).

Deborah was judge of Israel (Judges 4-5).

Huldah also served as a prophet (2 Kings 22:14).

Priscilla was a teacher of the gospel, a “co-worker” of Paul —this is a virtual title for a distinct group of apostolic ministers of the gospel —and a leader of the church (Acts 18:18-19, 26; Rom. 16:3-5; 1 Cor. 16:19; 2 Tim. 4:19).

Junia, and this is now a consensus among scholars, was an “apostle” (Rom.16:7). We might try to minimize the word “apostle” to “missionary,” but we do so only out of prejudice.

Phoebe is called a “deacon” (not “deaconess”) and an epistatis, which might mean “benefactor” or “president” (Rom. 16:1-2).

(Excerpted from an article written by Dr Scot McKnight, a Professor in Religious Studies at North Park University (Chicago, Illinois) called: “Women Ministering” on www. cbeinternational.org)

So… what can women do when their hearts are surrendered to God?

According to the Word, they prophecy, judge/lead, teach the Gospel, minister, lead the church, become apostolic, building God’s kingdom and not their own.

The most beautiful thing is not what women do with their own talent, but by the power of the Holy Spirit…

bringing light
…to a dark world.

This is what God calls and empowers women to do!