Following and Trusting : Encountering God Out of the Box

Why do we get stuck in a cycle of needing validation from someone to see us, value us and affirm us?

This post came from an early morning thought stream after waking up at 5:05am…

(For many of you, this thought stream will not be new. This isn’t new for me either but this morning it came powerfully once again in a new light.)

Each of us need to be seen, valued, and affirmed.

Our hearts long for validation.

Validation: Where Are We Seeking It?

We all long for validation. It’s a natural desire woven into our humanity—the need to feel seen, valued, and affirmed. But too often, we seek this validation in places or people that can never truly satisfy.

As women of faith, it’s essential to pause and ask ourselves some tough but freeing questions:

• Where and who do I go to in order to feel validated/significant/valued?
• Am I looking to people, achievements, or external circumstances to tell me I’m enough?
• What happens when those sources fall short or disappear altogether?

The Problem with Misplaced Validation

When we seek validation in the wrong places, we may find ourselves chasing approval through:

• Relationships: Hoping others’ affirmations will fill the void.
• Work or accomplishments: Believing success defines our worth.
• Social media: Measuring our value by likes, comments, or comparisons.
• People-pleasing: Sacrificing who we are to gain approval from others.

These sources (just some of many others) may temporarily soothe, but they can never address the deep, God-designed longing in our hearts.

When we seek validation in the wrong places, it can leave us feeling empty, striving, or even crushed when we don’t receive the response we hoped for.

Let’s explore these outcomes in more detail with real-life examples:

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Relationships: Hoping others’ affirmations will fill the void

When we rely on others (such as a friend, partner, or family member) to affirm our value, we place a heavy burden on that relationship.

• Outcome: If the person fails to meet our expectations, it can lead to disappointment, resentment, or feelings of rejection. For example, someone who constantly seeks validation from their spouse may feel neglected if they don’t receive frequent compliments or words of affirmation. This can create unnecessary conflict and insecurity in the relationship.
• Truth to Remember: Only God can fill the void of love and belonging in our hearts (Psalm 36:7). Human relationships are a blessing, but they cannot replace His all-encompassing love.

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Work or accomplishments: Believing success defines our worth

The pursuit of professional validation or personal achievements can lead to burnout and an unending cycle of striving.

• Outcome: When success becomes our identity, failure or setbacks can be devastating. For instance, someone who ties their self-worth to a promotion may feel worthless if they are overlooked for the role. Similarly, achieving a goal might bring a temporary high, but it won’t satisfy long-term.
• Truth to Remember: God values us not for what we do but for who we are in Him (Ephesians 2:8-10). Our worth isn’t based on performance but on His grace.

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Social media: Measuring our value by likes, comments, or comparisons

Social media can trick us into believing that external validation—likes, followers, or comments—determines our significance.

• Outcome: When we don’t receive the engagement we hoped for, it can lead to self-doubt, jealousy, or even isolation. For example, someone who posts frequently to gain affirmation might feel rejected if their posts don’t garner attention, causing them to spiral into feelings of inadequacy.
• Truth to Remember: God sees us fully and delights in us just as we are (Psalm 139:1-4). His approval matters infinitely more than the fleeting opinions of others.

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People-pleasing: Sacrificing who we are to gain approval from others

The need to please others can drive us to compromise our values, overcommit, or lose sight of our true selves.

• Outcome: People-pleasing often leads to exhaustion and bitterness. For example, someone who constantly says “yes” to others’ requests to avoid disappointing them may feel overwhelmed and unappreciated. This striving for approval ultimately leaves them feeling undervalued and disconnected from their own needs.
• Truth to Remember: Jesus calls us to serve others out of love, not obligation or fear of rejection (Galatians 1:10). We are free to live authentically, knowing His love is constant.

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The Inadequacy of These Sources

While relationships, achievements, social media, and the approval of others can provide temporary comfort, they fail to meet the deep, God-designed longing for unconditional love, acceptance, and purpose.

• Relationships cannot bear the weight of our identity.
• Work will never fully satisfy our hearts.
• Social media creates a false standard of worth.
• People-pleasing sacrifices authenticity and joy.

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What Happens When We Seek Validation from God?

When we shift our focus from these fleeting sources to God’s eternal truth, we experience:

• Peace: No longer striving for approval, we rest in His unconditional love (Isaiah 26:3).
• Confidence: Knowing we are fearfully and wonderfully made, we walk boldly in our purpose (Psalm 139:14).
• Freedom: We live authentically, free from the weight of others’ expectations (Galatians 5:1).

God alone can validate our worth in a way that satisfies the deepest longings of our hearts.

Let us turn to Him and find the fulfillment we seek…

Asking Jesus for True Validation

The good news is that Jesus offers us a better way – one that we are originally designed for. His validation is not based on performance, appearance, or what others think of us. It’s rooted in His unconditional love and the truth of who He says we are.

Take a moment to ask Jesus:

• How do You want to meet my deepest heart longings?
• What truths do You want me to hold onto about who I am in You?

Consider spending the next 21 days asking Jesus, “How do you want to validate me today?” or “What do you want to heal in my heart today?”

Yes, the word ‘validate’ may make you sound needy. But, you are. We all are. We need him. If we don’t go to him first for our needs, we become unhealthy. Beautifully, he does not shame us when we come to him. He simply invites us to come to him.

“Come to me… I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28

Eleven years ago, while I was on a sabbatical (time of rest), I put a reminder in my phone to pop up mid-day:

“Is this to the glory of God?”

This question helps me to ask, “Why am I doing this?”

If it’s not for the Lord, I ask: “What does my heart really need?”

(This helped me to re-evaluate my ‘doings’.)

Scriptural Truths About Validation

Here are some powerful reminders from Scripture of how God validates and defines us:

1. You are His beloved daughter.

• “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are.” – 1 John 3:1

2. Your worth is not earned but given.

• “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.”
  – Ephesians 2:8-9

3. You are created with purpose.

• “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” – Ephesians 2:10

4. You are fully known and fully loved.

• “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me… For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” – Psalm 139:1,13

5. Your identity is secure in Christ.

• “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Living from God’s Validation

When we ground our identity in God’s validation, it changes everything. We no longer have to strive or chase approval because we are already fully loved and accepted by the One who matters most.

This doesn’t mean we stop appreciating encouragement or connection from others, but it means we hold those things with open hands, knowing our ultimate validation comes from God alone.

A Prayer for Validation

“Lord, I confess that I have sought validation in places that cannot truly satisfy. Forgive me for turning to others or achievements instead of looking to You. Jesus, I invite You to meet me in this longing. Speak Your truth over me and remind me of who I am in You. Help me to rest in Your love and walk confidently in the identity You’ve given me. Thank You for adopting me through Your cross and calling me Your beloved. In Your name, Amen.“

An Invitation to Reflect

• Take time this week to journal or pray about where you’ve been seeking validation.

• Invite Jesus into those spaces and let His truth replace any lies you’ve believed.

Remember: You are seen, loved, and validated by the God who created you and calls you His own.

You don’t have to strive anymore.
Rest in the affirmation of the One who delights in you.

Merri Ellen Giesbrecht

Life Coach & Spiritual Director / www.merriellen.com

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