How do you grieve the unfaithfulness of loved ones?
A friend, community… you name it…?

💔

Good memories are painful… they haunt you… you don’t know what to do with them. How do you grieve over a once faithful but then turned hurtful inner community…? How do you grieve over the betrayal of a small circle within a community once loved and trusted, fasted for, prayed for…

…friends, leaders, mentors…

…who once were devoted encouragers and cheerleaders with pom moms… now with daggers by tongue? Some who have admitted envy and jealousy…

I am fiercely loyal and I am like a warrior for others. So, when those I once fought for, prayed for… resorted to attack because I had not met their expectations, which they failed to communicate directly to my face… ugh… I just wanted my aching heart to stop…

When your heart is broken, you rest in the arms of Jesus.

How I wish those I loved in community would have been loving to the end…

Not everyone was hurtful, thankfully …but of a few, I discovered painful stories behind closed doors of ones I thought loved me well as I did them. I learned they didn’t have the courage to seek to understand, but only to assume incorrectly and attack… and tear a community apart.

The hurtful attack didn’t stop… it became a toxic, abusive community… and my body crashed. It said, ‘enough is enough’. My doctor ordered me far away.

Blame, lying, hiding… it felt like Part 2 of the Garden.
How dangerous one mindset can become… to affect an entire family.

My heart became wounded. I ached. We were once a fruitful family… hearing God’s voice together, bringing freedom and healing to others together… Now, it was all brokenness.

Betrayal is so hard from those you deeply trusted and respected and loved.

John 17 is Jesus’ prayer for us…
He prayed for our unity, for our family love…
and yet some of us have been hurt the deepest by ‘church family’…

I am reminded of the betrayal Jesus went through by his own family and disciples… for our sake! … Timely, as it is Lent season now that I write this. I am reminded in Matthew 24 that it is the sign of the times…

And this too was timely…

It is a beautiful thing to adopt many of David’s Psalms for prayers… I’m so glad David was so blunt and raw and called a man after God’s own heart. Oh Lord, have mercy.