How do you navigate a controlling person, family, or community?
It’s a question many of us wrestle with—and it can feel overwhelming. Control is heavy. It’s stifling. And often, it leaves us feeling powerless. But here’s a perspective that changes everything:
See the controlling person not as a monster, but as a scared child.
Because underneath control and manipulation, there’s almost always fear.
Fear Hides Beneath Control
Those who cling to rules, systems, or controlling behaviors are often searching for safety. But instead of finding peace in the Prince of Peace, they’ve been taught to find it in circumstances, power, or human approval.
When we look past the controlling surface, we can begin to see what’s really there: a scared heart, longing for security.
Navigating Control with the Prince of Peace
The Higher Way: Partnering with God
Here’s the key: trying to argue, explain, or fight with controlling people does not work. Words and actions alone don’t change hearts.
But prayer does.
- Ask the Lord: “What are they scared of?”
- Ask the Lord: “How are You praying for them right now?”
- Ask the Lord: “How are You inviting me to pray for them?”
Instead of pushing against control, go higher. Speak blessing. Pray for God’s love, kindness, and glory to be poured out over them.
As Romans 2:4 reminds us:
“God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance.”
It won’t be your arguments that shift their heart—it will be His presence.
Blessing Their Spirit
Sometimes the most powerful prayer we can pray is a blessing. Instead of praying against someone, we bless them into the fullness of who God designed them to be. (If you’ve read the yellow book, see Chapter 11 on blessing that shifts atmospheres!)
Bless them to know God’s peace.
Bless them to encounter His love.
Bless them to live free from fear.
But Don’t Forget Your Heart
Here’s the other piece: while God cares deeply about those who resort to control, He also cares deeply about you!
Ask Him:
- “Lord, what do You want to heal in my heart today?”
- “What does my heart need from You?”
- “What do You want me to know, to pray, or to do?”
People around you cannot give your heart what it truly needs. Only the Lord can. When you let Him meet you in those wounded places, you are set free—no matter how others act.
A Better Way Forward
So the next time you feel the weight of control pressing in on you, pause.
Don’t react. Don’t spiral.
Instead, turn to the Lord.
Ask Him to show you the scared child underneath the control. Ask Him how to pray for that little child. Let Him heal your heart, fill you with His Spirit, and guide your steps.
When you do, you’ll find yourself walking in His love, joy, and peace—miracles only He can bring.
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.”
— Isaiah 26:3
Merri Ellen 🙂
Following and Trusting : Encountering God Out of the Box 
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