Following and Trusting : Encountering God Out of the Box

The Walls Around our Hearts: Surrendering Our Defence Mechanisms to God for True Heart Healing

Pain, disappointment, betrayal, and fear can lead us to build walls around our hearts. Often, we don’t even realize these walls are there— defence mechanisms we use to protect ourselves. While they may seem to shield us from hurt, these defences can also block us from experiencing the fullness of life, love, and purpose God has for us.

Here’s a look at common defense mechanisms we might use to self-protect and how seeking the Lord for inner healing can bring freedom and transformation.

Common Walls / Defence Mechanisms

1. Avoidance

• What it looks like: Ignoring problems, sidestepping difficult conversations, or avoiding situations that might stir up uncomfortable emotions.
• How it protects: Keeps us from feeling vulnerable or exposed.
• What it costs: Missed opportunities for growth, deeper relationships, and God’s refining work in our lives.

2. Perfectionism

• What it looks like: Striving for flawless performance to gain approval or avoid criticism.
• How it protects: Masks feelings of inadequacy or fear of failure.
• What it costs: The joy of grace, humility, and embracing our God-given humanity.

3. Control

• What it looks like: Trying to orchestrate outcomes, manage people’s responses, or tightly structure our lives to avoid uncertainty.
• How it protects: Creates a false sense of security.
• What it costs: Surrender to God’s perfect plans and the peace that comes from trusting Him.

4. Sarcasm or Humor

• What it looks like: Using jokes, sarcasm, or witty remarks to deflect pain or vulnerability.
• How it protects: Diverts attention from deep emotions or fears.
• What it costs: Authenticity in relationships and the ability to fully process grief or hurt.

5. Numbing

• What it looks like: Turning to distractions like social media, binge-watching, overeating, or substance use to escape feelings.
• How it protects: Suppresses painful emotions temporarily.
• What it costs: True healing and the abundant life Jesus offers.

6. Anger or Aggression

• What it looks like: Lashing out, defensiveness, or using anger to keep others at arm’s length.
• How it protects: Shields us from feeling powerless or hurt.
• What it costs: Relational intimacy, peace, and the fruit of the Spirit in our lives.

7. Self-Reliance

• What it looks like: Refusing help, isolating, or overworking to prove independence.
• How it protects: Prevents us from being let down by others.
• What it costs: The blessing of community and the comfort of God’s provision.
  

The Other Side of Self-Protection?

The walls we build may feel safe, but they can also keep us stuck—unable to experience the healing, freedom, and love God wants for us. Jesus calls us to lay down our burdens and trust Him with our hearts:

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” – Matthew 11:28-29

When we seek the Lord for inner healing, we begin to experience His transformative power:

1. True Security
   In Christ, we find a foundation that cannot be shaken. As we root our identity in Him, we no longer need to rely on fragile defences to feel safe.
   
   
2. Authentic Relationships
   Letting go of walls allows us to connect deeply with others. Vulnerability becomes a strength as we trust God to guard our hearts.
   
   
3. Freedom from Fear
   Inner healing releases us from the grip of fear and shame, empowering us to step boldly into God’s plans for our lives.
   
   
4. Peace Beyond Understanding
   Surrendering control and trusting God leads to a supernatural peace that transcends circumstances (Philippians 4:7).
   

An Invitation to Healing

Ask the Lord to reveal any defence mechanisms in your life. Consider this prayer:

“Lord, search my heart and show me any walls I’ve built to protect myself. I invite You into those spaces. Heal the wounds that caused me to build them. Help me to trust You as my refuge and strength. Thank You for the freedom and life You offer me on the other side of these walls. Amen.”

God’s healing is not a one-time event but a journey. As we surrender, layer by layer, He gently transforms us. On the other side of self-protection is the abundant life Jesus came to give—freedom, peace, and fullness of joy.

Let Him guide you into the healing He longs to bring.

Merri Ellen Giesbrecht

Life Coach & Spiritual Director / www.merriellen.com

Dig Deeper:

See the book: “God, Show Me More of You” (This book is filled with heart healing stories and prayer activations.)

Need a safe, loving community of women who are hungry to hear God? Learn more about the Freedom Coaching Circle.

Need someone to guide you through further heart healing? Learn more about private sessions.