When They Don’t Change?

What do you do when a person in your life doesn’t change…? What if it’s your leadership, your employee, a friend, a client, a date, etc…?

Here’s a great refresh from a message I heard long ago and again from a book I read a year ago. Thankfully, there are things you can do before it comes down to walking away or swimming away from a sinking ship. Some boats are repairable still longing for the wind to fill their sails.

Brief overview with video link below…

3 Types of People (Dr Henry Cloud):

There are three types of people you encounter in your life, and when you deal with them, you can’t always take the same approach. Research reveals 3 basic categories and we all can behave in these at times in our growth. They are wise, foolish and evil.

Here they are:

  1. Wise people: Resource them. Give them more input, knowledge, training, teaching, and whatever you have, because they tend to use it. They’re good people to invest in. You don’t have to do much with these folks except have a good tone, be specific and listen well, and you’ll get great results. They are people of good character. 
  1. Foolish (defensive) people: Remember, more feedback usually does not help. So, why continue to do what doesn’t help? You’re wasting your breath trying to continually talk about a problem that the person is not owning. This is when you have to focus on consequences. If they do A, then it will result in B happening. Sometimes using consequences will get a turnaround, and other times they will go away, as they do not like to be held accountable. 
  1. Evil (destructive) people: With them, not only is there no talking, there is also usually no hope. Get serious about protecting yourself and others from their agenda, and take appropriate action. While group #1 needs input, and group #2 needs consequences, with the third group, you have to go into protective mode. They are out to harm, so make sure your strongest boundaries are intact. 

To learn more tools, I urge you to read Henry’s book, Necessary Endings

Enjoy this clip too!

Character of Leaders?

I was pondering the C’s of leadership lately as many of us have been disappointed in leaders lacking the character to walk faithfully and courageously.

Some people say that a leader should have character, charisma, commitment, courage, competence…

But, have you ever noticed how God seems to never look for people with outstanding character to call them to leadership?

Just read the Bible and look at the motley crew of disciples, the heroes of the faith listed in Hebrews…and all their mistakes…

Does rather, God seem to take people and transform their character (if they surrender and trust Him)? Or even like David who was initially in good character, but later lapsed in character under the pressures of leadership…Thankfully, he later repented and God’s compassion still came…

(That is the key for any leader. Repentance is a beautiful thing that returns us to the path God has chosen for us. Without repentance, we lose the inheritance God has promised – even often for those we lead.)

Yesterday, at a women in leadership luncheon, I got to hear the story of how an employee lapsed in character (out of fear of not measuring up to expectations). But, the employer’s loving response casted out the employee’s fear… resulting in huge trust in their relationship. It was a beautiful God-filled thing!

The employee told the story of her own lapse in character. To admit what she did – you could sense the room gasp and I saw her neck turn slightly red as she must have felt like she walked off a ledge… But the story of how her employer responded to her – no scolding but with love and compassion. Wow – Jesus with skin on. I think what was shared was a wonderful shifting in perspective of what many have experienced from our leaders (both men and women). Jesus never shames us, but only empowers and calls us up to walk out our inheritance in Him.

Our character may lapse, but when we admit our mistakes, God’s compassion and blessing affects not just us, but everyone we lead.

And when we forgive those who admit their mistakes, we invest in them and encourage them to take hold of the inheritance they have in Christ.

But, when those who lead us or those we lead don’t admit mistakes, the relationship is broken and God’s inheritance is unclaimed.

Repentance.

Restoration.

Relationship restored.

(PS. Also got to hear a cool story yesterday of how a person was healed physically after their leadership repented.)

How do we approach truth?

truth vs lieJust read this today and my heart leapt…!

Jesus calls himself “the truth” (John 14:6), and the Holy Spirit, “the Spirit of truth” (John 14:7; 16:13). Any time we are not living from Jesus’ perspective, the foundation of truth, we are in some way connected to the father of lies, the devil. When we experience negative or painful consequences as a result of choosing to talk in truth, we may be tempted to quit. This is exactly the point where our faith in God’s truth gets tested. To choose to speak the truth in love, even when there is great cost to us, confirms our trust in God’s ways, rather than our own ways.

Are you willing to risk being truthful in love above anything that you fear or anything that you desire? God is truth. Are you willing to put God, His truth and His ways above anything that you fear or want? Are you willing to go beyond your fears and desires and expose whatever needs to be exposed for you to be truly known?

Remember: Truth without love is harsh and destructive; love without truth lacks substance. It must be truth with love.

I say… Yes, yes, yes, yes! Avoiding the truth only leads to bondage. Jesus, who is the Truth, invites us into freedom when we walk in His Spirit who is Love.

Source and learn more from…

Barry and Lori Byrne
Nothing Hidden Ministries
http://nothinghidden.com

What is the true job of a pastor?

The other day I had a delightful call with a young leader who brought up the topic of how a Pastor’s role appears to have terribly wandered today. I did a little digging on what others are saying…

“Most books on church growth and leadership today argue that if pastors continue to do what pastors have done for so many years, they will fail.”

Too many churches today operate with leadership models started in world models and adapted to the church. This is dangerous. Why?

These business models allow people to put pastors on pedestals.

These models puts the needs of the church first and forget outside the church.
The goal becomes building the church’s own kingdom rather than the kingdom of God. (Megachurch mania.) It’s the…, ‘If we build it, they will come’ mentality. And yet, we are called to go

But, pride leads to destruction…

Proverbs 18:12 (CEV)
12 Pride leads to destruction;
humility leads to honor.

And, selfish ambitions destroys a church…

James 3:16 (GW)
Wherever there is jealousy and rivalry, there is disorder and every kind of evil.

Instead, the role of the pastor should be based on a biblical model…


So, what does the Bible actually call a Pastor to do?

1. Pray first.

“Jesus lived a life of prayer. He started every day in communion with the heavenly Father. He ended every day in close relationship with His Father. At times, He even spent the whole night in communion with His Father. Jesus actually was in touch with His heavenly Father all the time.”

2. Do life out of a deep abiding relationship with Jesus.

“Over and over, the Scriptures show us that Jesus placed the highest priority of His life on spending time alone with the Father. His life reveals an intense passion for the presence of God. His heart longed and hungered to touch the heart of God.”

3. Preach the Word that is living and active, for heart transformation!

“We must study the Bible, not for curiosity, but for a new heart.”

4. Be in relationship with others. Do life with people. Don’t just lead meetings.

“Christ’s method builds relationships and meets needs.” Jesus didn’t die and rise again for us to be in meetings.

5. Then teach others how to do the same. (Emphasis on relationships.)

When Jesus began His public ministry, He called and empowered people to be His disciples— who would champion His world changing cause. As Robert Coleman says in The Master Plan of Evangelism, “His concern was not with programs to reach the multitudes, but with men whom the multitudes would follow. . . . People were to be His method of winning the world to God.”

6. And live a life of sacrifice.

Time, resources, and life unto death… willing to get in the muck. I recall this list…

12apostles

God calls us to live the life Jesus lived. Pastoral ministry is not about us, but about Him—about knowing and serving Him.”

Read the full excellent article here: The Biblical Role of the Pastor

Related: Epidemic: Another Pastor Burned Out and Quit Last Sunday

“Doing” Church in North America – YouTube – Graham Cooke – “We make victims of our heroes.”

Graham Cooke brilliantly describes how “doing” church today must start with leaders who can model freedom.

Graham goes onto say that church revolves around 3 types of people:

  • Initiators,
  • Enablers and
  • Resisters.

He skillfully describes if churches want to succeed, they must learn about each group and explains that if we have any hopes of accomplishing anything in church, we must understand each people group and learn how to lead them.

Graham warns that if we’re not careful, we will unconsciously make victims out the people we value most.

Visit: www.GrahamCooke.com for more.

What should women do?

womenbuildup“Just imagine what would happen to this church if all the women left.”

The looks on the men’s faces turned from indifference to shock and horror. They realized that the vast majority of the ‘hands on’ ministering was happening because of women. The women were faithful and valuable to building God’s kingdom!

Jesus has tons of things to say about women in his ministry. Just look at: Luke 8:1-3 to see their significance for Jesus’ ministry. And these were even women once considered castaways…

Jesus traveled around from one town and village to another. He announced the good news of God’s kingdom. His 12 disciples were with him. So were some women who had been healed of evil spirits and sicknesses. One was Mary Magdalene. Seven demons had come out of her. Another was Joanna, the wife of Chuza. He was the manager of Herod’s household. Susanna and many others were there also. These women were helping to support Jesus and the 12 disciples with their own money.

(Luke 8:1-3)

I love this quote from Dr Scot McKnight…

When we ask the question of women in ministry, the debate almost immediately gravitates to traditional “women in ministry” texts. But I’d like us to ask another question — one both more biblical and more answerable:

Do women DO in your church what Miriam, Deborah, Huldah, Priscilla, Junia, and Phoebe did?

Do they do what Mary did?

Do they do what Jesus encouraged women to do?

Here’s a deeper look at what these women did…
(and which the Bible honours.)

Miriam was a prophet who offered what has to be considered one of the most potent interpretations of what God did at the Exodus (Exodus 15:20-21).

Deborah was judge of Israel (Judges 4-5).

Huldah also served as a prophet (2 Kings 22:14).

Priscilla was a teacher of the gospel, a “co-worker” of Paul —this is a virtual title for a distinct group of apostolic ministers of the gospel —and a leader of the church (Acts 18:18-19, 26; Rom. 16:3-5; 1 Cor. 16:19; 2 Tim. 4:19).

Junia, and this is now a consensus among scholars, was an “apostle” (Rom.16:7). We might try to minimize the word “apostle” to “missionary,” but we do so only out of prejudice.

Phoebe is called a “deacon” (not “deaconess”) and an epistatis, which might mean “benefactor” or “president” (Rom. 16:1-2).

(Excerpted from an article written by Dr Scot McKnight, a Professor in Religious Studies at North Park University (Chicago, Illinois) called: “Women Ministering” on www. cbeinternational.org)

So… what can women do when their hearts are surrendered to God?

According to the Word, they prophecy, judge/lead, teach the Gospel, minister, lead the church, become apostolic, building God’s kingdom and not their own.

The most beautiful thing is not what women do with their own talent, but by the power of the Holy Spirit…

bringing light
…to a dark world.

This is what God calls and empowers women to do!

When Men are Silent

IMG_5832
What happens when men keep silent…?

(I wrote a post recently… When We Silence Women …but let us also highlight the value of men’s voices…) 

We need to hear both voices of men and women, not spoken in fleshly anger, but in bold Spirit-led risk-taking obedience… Dr Larry Crabb reminds us of the value of men’s voices…
IMG_5833IMG_5834

I always wondered why Eve put up a fight with the serpent, but not Adam…? …and this was before the Fall. Whatever the reason, it is a perfect example of why we need both men and women to speak truth and defend it together…for the sake of the world! We need each other. Remember, God created Adam and the world was not yet complete. It goes both ways vice versa.

My prayer…

I’m praying for our men to hear God’s voice clearly above all other voices… Praying for more of the Holy Spirit to give them courage to live out their calling… Praying against overwhelm and confusion, against shame and paralysis. Praying instead for their unique Holy Spirit anointing so that they may enjoy a victorious walk with Jesus!

“Men are uniquely called to remember what God has said and to speak accordingly, to move into dangerous uncertainty with a confidence and wisdom that comes from listening to God.”

Enjoy the book by Dr Larry Crabb: Men of Courage: God’s Call to Move Beyond the Silence of Adam

A Future Not Our Own – Oscar Romero

romero9

This comes from Archbishop Oscar Romero who was killed in his church in El Salvador by a right-wing death squad on March 24th, 1980 out of his commitment to the poor…

A Future Not Our Own

It helps, now and then, to step back

and take the long view.

The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,

it is beyond our vision.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of

the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.

Nothing we do is complete,

which is another way of saying

that the kingdom always lies beyond us.

No statement says all that could be said.

No prayer fully expresses our faith.

No confession brings perfection.

No pastoral visit brings wholeness.

No programme accomplishes the church’s mission.

No set of goals and objectives includes everything.

This is what we are about:

We plant seeds that one day will grow.

We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.

We lay foundations that will need further development.

We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything

and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.

This enables us to do something,

and to do it very well.

It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way,

an opportunity for God’s grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see the end results,

but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.

We are workers, not master builders,

ministers, not messiahs.

We are prophets of a future not our own.

 

via Prophetic | Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.

via A Future Not Our Own.

9 Changes to Make Before a Church Dies

My heart ached when I read this post from Thom Rainer… It triggered pain that I have known… I pray for churches across North America (my heart lies there)…

urgent-church-nine-changes-we-must-make-or-die

“..Many of our congregations must change. They must change or they will die.

I call these churches “the urgent church.” Time is of the essence. If changes do not happen soon, very soon, these churches will die. The pace of congregational death is accelerating.

What, then, are some of the key changes churches must make?”

Read: URGENT CHURCH: 9 Changes We Must Make or Die

From Word Curses to Blessing – Uncanny Story

Is life a bit nuts for you? …with people’s word curses rather than words of blessing?

Do you live in a series of uncanny events?

Free video and free pdf summary below…

{This book recently has taken me back to my Old Testament prophets class in Bible school and my professor weeping over the disobedience of Israel and the curses and the blessings…

(He was a parent. Can you blame him?)

Rest assured the book took me through the New Testament, showing where curses and blessings were recorded even spoken by Jesus Himself.}

For a period of my ministry life, there had been a series of uncanny events around me that blew my mind… especially people’s growing word curses and a lack of words of blessing…

People who once were encouragers became accusers,

People who stood for truth, began to spread lies,

People who stood for something, bowed at the slightest persecution,

People I respected, became disrespectful.

I thought I was going nuts. I began to ask myself,…

“Why the madness and crazy making?

What happened to integrity, and risk-taking obedience because of our Holy Spirit conviction?

What happened to building God’s Kingdom and not our own?

Why are we bowing down to others rather than God?”

My body crashed into exhaustion and slow motion. My speech delayed and stuttering, and my mobility diminished. My heart broken and mind confused. My doctor ordered me to stay away from my environment immediately…

In my path toward healing, along with much time resting and seeking the Lord, a mentor …who with a team of prayer warriors who prayed for 3 hours over me because they could feel the spiritual attack over me, (Hallelujah – someone else could feel it!) …then for further repair, he directed me to this reminder on curses and blessings…

I began to apply what I re-learned and began to experience a tremendous freedom.

I have prayed numerous freedom in Christ prayers and prayers of spiritual protection over 10 years of pastoral ministry and the spiritual warfare that comes with being a shepherd of the people, but this seemed to cut things off at the root; at word curses spoken over me and perhaps also over those leaders who had gone before me who were attacked and who also had crashed.

We shall see…

Time will tell.

My body slowly repairs… with a circle of specialists telling me to rest, and delight in truth, and have fun with tank-filling family and friends.

I think it is no coincidence that at the same time I began to pray these prayers, a group of people and leaders began repenting on behalf of a larger community breaking generational sins. I am told it was a beautiful, long overdue process of confession and surrender to the Lord for a community in long-time brokenness!

(I remember doing prayer walks every week around the main building with my 80 year old prayer partner for 5 years (once a missionary in a part of the world that experienced spiritual warfare and deliverance on a regular basis), praying for such a day of repentance and renewal! Eight years later, it finally happened! I visited with her to celebrate the good news and we wept and gave thanks together. Though we had experienced individuals and families in repentance within our community over the years, this appeared to be the mother load.)

A new chapter in freedom?
It takes a long time for a ship to be turned around and so we continue to pray…!

Watch the video below and read through the pdf summary of the talk yourself…

If you are in a series of uncanny events, what have you got to lose? The teaching all stems from the Word of God and the importance of what comes out of our mouths… that we can speak death or life over others.

How to Pass From Curse to Blessing by Derek Prince


1) Video teaching:

2) PDF talk summary with prayer:

http://www.dieakker.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/explaining-blessings-and-curses-derek-prince.pdf

My prayer is that YOU will be free from curses spoken over you. And that YOU will use your mouth to bless others, and not destroy!

(And if you were one of those who spoke curses over me, I am learning to walk in forgiveness and praying blessing over you… I’m deeply and prayerfully all about long-term generational freedom.)

You reap what you sow. Let us plant seeds of blessing for the next generation.

P.S. You can read the full book here if you need more info…

Blessing or Curse: You Can Choose: Freedom from Pressures You Thought You Had to Live with

And here is the 2nd part of my healing journey… Prayers that Heal the Heart